when do you feel like an ugly duckling?

Almost 23.05 pm, and I haven't sleep yet, may be it's still an episode of my guilt, after neglect my Chicantamus.

Anyway, I just have a conversation with my sister, first is our crazy plan to travelling, starting with my plan in tomorrow evening to go the book store in one of the mall here, to meet my favourite writer Trinity jeng..jeng..jeng..she wrote Naked Traveller and it successed to burn my passion to travel anywhere. Anyway, suddenly, we just plan to go Thailand next year. Horeee!!!sounds really great!!!really great!!!I try to force her to go this year but she said that she still need time to arrange it. I said, I want to work, I have my little own savings, so we can go as soon as possible. But, well, may be she is not as spontaneous as I am, so we decided next year. Really next year.yihaa.....

Suddenly, we talk about our aunt who live so far away and we haven't met for long time. Hope she is okay.

and, suddenly we talk about our childhood. suddenly, I told her, that the worst time in my life is when I was in junior high school. frankly, I had kinda confidence crisis. well, it's common to be one of the most well-known issues for teenager. I never had boyfriend when I was in junior high school. I was such a nerd!! I prefer to face thousands letters than I must talk to people. I felt like, I always have bad hair day. I was too tall, have really really dark skin, I was out of the fashion, and just in average academically.

But I really glad that I ever such an ugly duckling. That ugly duckling really teach me to love my self, when I minimize the interactions surround me, I was busy to build my character from inside. I consider, now, that ugly duckling-Era was my time to know my self better. I found my self, my own definition, what I hate, what I like, what I want to be, what I want go to, while all girls as young as me busy to get their first kiss, busy to hang out, busy to make their first date, busy talking the cutest senior ever in that school, and bla ...bla...

Beside, while I was an ugly duckling, I find my real real best friends forever, best friends that never last. so, they don't love how I look, but they love me, no matter what.

From now on, that ugly duckling has flown away. fly to somewhere, search another girl who need find her truly happiness, if she can make it.

I never regret that I ever be an ugly nerd duckling because that ugly duckling taught me so much, that ugly duckling was being part of me.

How about you,reader? Did you let your ugly duckling fly away, became a swan? or you still in ugly duckling-era? don't worry, let it works and finishes its job, you will find the same result like me, keep my words: never let people to tell you what to do, you have your own process, just like me with my ugly duckling :)

I am back, really, really, I am back

I am sorry really sorry, I know what this thing called. Laziness? Busyness?or what?
Well, as you know, staring in July 1st then ended in August 26th I was in my village project like society obedience I told you before.
Owh, God! So much story I must tell you.
These are the big events happened to me :

village from the top view

#1 My society obedience
Okay, let’s start now. I lived in one of the native’s house there. My team consisted about twelve people. Four boys and eight girls. Actually, the team should be in 14. Our work is making some programs that will increase their health standard. Sounds boring? Yeah, little. But that’s a must.
I tell you the facts there, first, people do not boil their water for drink, well, its Indonesian, we live in tropic which have suitable temperature for bacteria growth. So, sometimes I feel little afraid to have such a drink when I come to one of their house. Then, they don’t have toilet. They have poo and pee in garden, well, not all of them but just about 40% have toilet. The rest? Nope. Well, you can think they have primitive way. But that’s the fact. But! Believe me, I lived in best house so I didn’t pee and poo in the garden like them. The truth is cruel. But mostly, I really have great time there.

little part of my team

this is where I had lived in, it's traditional house of Makassar

this is the place where they feed their horses

In that place, eating horse is well known. Really, it’s hard to find cow or buffalo there. But you can find horse easily. Anyway, I lived in a house who live village mayor’s dad and his wife. They are old. They just have one daughter but she doesn’t live there. So hard at first time. First, we have shift for cooking, washing the dishes, shopping in traditional market there, sweeping, moping, and many things to done. Well, frankly, I doubt boys, mostly they can’t handle or lazy to make such those things.

I attended one traditional wedding here

But, I have really really great experience. I always ride scuter there, kind of motorcycle like vespa, for about two hours to go to market. And my cooking shift is in Friday.

We also make like program such as circumcision, oral check-up, internal check up, and other which not always get welcome. Well, for your information, I have to share a bed with four of my friends and share bathroom with my other eight friend too. I really remember how noise if we gathered. Not just like in other girl’s bedroom which soo calm. Not like us. I tell you a secret, we even ever broke our bed…twice, as I remember. And we just fixed it. We all became carpenters in our bedroom. Ha ha.
Almost for two month I had stayed there. So many things to learn. I learn how to live more independent, learn how to talk in traditional language (Makassar language), learn how to live with persons you don’t know before, learn to share everything, learn to live in strange place. anyway here some Makassar language:

Ngandre=eat
Leba’(with emphasize in last word)=done
Je’ne’(emphasize too)=water
Juku=fish
Bambang=hot
Ta’roko-roko=having cough (I really know this one, cause mostly my patients say this)
Kamainjo=like that
Siapa=how much (usually for asking the price)
La’ding=knive
Apa anjo=what do you mean?

Ha ha…I forget some words..

Girls Like Us Just Wanna Have Fun

Wow. I cant believe that almost the end of June!

Which means, no more holiday, no more lazy day, no more holiday, no catching potatoes, because I will start my workshop in remote area for two months.

Ugh, seems I will suffer in there. Well, well hope not. Cause I must learn how to suffer anyway.
Hahaha. War zone seems will harder than this.

Anyway, I just decide to hang out with my friends, from mall to mall in my city, for satisfy us, before we never see them anymore for two months.

Yesterday we watched Karate Kid, which was pretty cool, but one thing makes me wonder, why the title is Karate Kid while the film is about Kung Fu.

Love(i)rtual

What do you think about virtual relationship or online relationship? Well, so many answers, so much contradiction about this case.

Some people say its new common thing nowadays, some people said it’s a bullshit, nonsense, and all of man in the cyber are jerk. Haha. I don’t know. Everyone has their own opinion.

In this case, relationship not mean just about being girlfriend or boyfriend, but include become the friend too. I mean it.

I love to meet new people. I don’t deny that I have found many lessons from one of my new habit now. I make many friends almost with all of the people from different countries. Holland, England, Turkiye, Ireland, India, Singapore, Japan, Srilanka, France, Italy, Tunisia, Algeria, Egypt, United Arab Emirates, Jordanian, England, Australia, USA, Switzerland, Spain, Libya, etc, I cant mention them all.

There are many advantages and disadvantages.

Frankly, I love to meet new people, some of them tell me about their country, their culture, their self, their life, even if their problem. One thing I can get is all the people just want to be heard, they want to be listened, all of us need someone to talk.

I can not lie that I have ever falling in love in this cyber world. May be, he read this post, I don’t care. He did really turn my world around. I have been in love with him for almost two years. I do really trust in him but he did decide to stop dreaming about us. I know may be I can not be his perfect girlfriend and his real girlfriend. I know, but one thing he should know that I am really in love with him no matter what things he did to me, what he said to me. I will not regret when I was with him because I do really in love with him. We make a commitment to meet each other, but what can I do when he just said he give up, I have no other choice. He has his own life. Hope he is fine when he read this post and I wish all the best of him.
I know some people who really kind to me. Always listen to me. I have met many jerks here too, who will pay me for sleep with him if he come to my country or come to his country, many jerks who want to see my body in web cam, I can’t lie that I have met many species like them, but all is gone, I never put attention to them. While, they are harmless. haha. they cant touch me either.

From this too, I can learn many cultures too. I learn little how to speak Japanese, French, Arabic, and any others. I don’t believe that chatting is waste time, its all depend on you, and how you use it. I can’t lie it really help me to improve my English especially in writing and speaking.

Well, so many things I want to tell you but I want make some sketches now.

In my story, Romeo killed Juliet

Once upon a time, there is an awkward, silly, stupid, dreamy, skeptic, and pathetic girl lives in the simple city. She’s got everything. Great family. Great friends. Nice home. Get everything she wants. Great carrier. She has all. She has more. What else?

She is awkward. Why? She has dream work in war zone. The place, surely, has no hope, has no live, has no safe. Never agree with everyone.

She is silly. Because she likes to started jokes to everyone while sometimes she had cried for hours under the shower.

She is stupid. Because she never heard what ‘clever’ people say to her. You shold know one thing,readers, she never put attention to what people said. She always has her own hypothesis, analysis, equation, and answer for everything. She is an idiot.

She is dreamy. Because she never stops dream. Almost all of her friends said, “Don’t fly too high, you will feel so much pain if you fall down.” But, you know what? She still tries to stick the leaves on her arms to get fly.

She is skeptic. Never stop asking why people should do this while they are not happy. Always like this.

She is pathetic. Why? Because she hates happy ending so much. She thinks that the only one who deserve happy ending is the one who always keep dreaming. The people who just gave up and just accept “take what you should take” are the enemies of her.

And she loves Fitzegerald, Hemingway, and others who no one of her friends interested.
And she believes that, all Romeo was made for killed Juliet.

Period.

pursue,pursue,pursue your happiness

Wew. I neglect my lovely blog for decades.

This whole month really made me away from things I love. So many things to do. Lab reports, papers, presentations, my debate championship and its practice every night, well, mention them just made me tired.

Tomorrow is holiday, but I must wake and make up in the morning, cause I still one have discussion post-lab and present the 2009’s students for their presentation, I am as an assistant lab.

My life,lately, have been changed little. I just think about my life. Haha. Yeah, I know sounds so serious and creepy. I will enter my last years in university. Well, need a research to get graduate,though. I just think about my final script in my graduation. Okay, I tell you, in Indonesia, in my faculty,the graduate in bachelor degree, you must do a research then present it in front all of the students and the lecturers, you have to present it twice, first, before you make the research, present your background, your title, how the procedures are, something like that, then you start your research, after that you must present your result and being asked about everything, then after you will pass the big final examination and judging from all of the lecturers. That’s hard, I know.

Well, I am really interested to make a research in cosmetic technology coz I love to make a formula, and try something different.

Okay, let skip this topic.

I am listening The Coltrane now. I just finished washing dishes, cooking my dinner, baking a cake. My rutinity every night. I have fish today.hehe. and now I am laying on the bed, doing nothing, listening every lines from songs that playing in my dvd player. God, I love my life now. Wherei just think nothing and writing while I wait my cake get warm.

I watched a dvd last night, I think I am late for watch Pursuit of Happiness. This film is incredible. Simple one, just a jobless man who try to find a job for paying the bill, the wife left him, and he must struggle with his little son. Simple,yeah.

All of us are just like him. We want job, we want money, pay the bills, get the car, have a house with healthy children, the wife wants a perfect husband, the husband needs perfect wife. We are same, have one strong willing to get happy. But we have so many choices to get there, many ways,some chose good and some chose the bad ones. Everything just has its consequences.

But one thing, my favourite words from this movie, don’t ever let the people tell you that you can’t do anything, if you want, make it,period.

What do you wish for your life then? I wish that I can be war journalist, be a wife from a man I love, and be a mom from shiny kids like sunshine.

That’s all.

hiking o hiking

view from the top always is the best


well,well

it's 9th may..yeah...i am sorry i am dissappeared for centuries..

i was so busy with all the stuff.

i tell you what i had been doing this and previous month.

me and my really really big carrier

april 30th-may 2nd : i went to hike the mountain in this island :) name Mt.Bawakaraeng (2800 m above the sea surface)

Gosh!you have no idea about it. so many things i got, i learnt, i saw, i touched, i did, i knew, and everything

but, i am sorry that i cant tell you more coz i must finish my lab reports..i have three reports this night, but you know, lately i am kinda procrastinating :

see?the edelweiss,symbol of the eternity